This is Day 18 of the 30 day writing challenge (Kinda excited there’s only 12 days to go :))
The other day, I was musing at how messy parenthood actually is. Forget the adorable snaps of babies in their tutus and bows on social media. Behind the scenes, there’s actually a dozen of gross things that parents moms do. This post is lighthearted, because, hey, Postpartum Depression does not show for 1440 minutes every single day. Even when it’s cloudy, the sun does peep even for a couple of seconds. Below is a list of some of the disgusting things moms do (whether they admit it or not). PS: I do not confirm or deny that I did all or none of these things :D.
- One of the things that still fascinate me about moms when they get their (usually first) babies, is the ease with which they transition to analyzing virtually everything about baby. And this includes poop. Like, did baby fart? Yes he did. Wow. *lifts baby to smell butt* Confirmation that baby has pooped. So you unfasten the diaper and study its contents, Color. Consistency. Stink. Yes, roll your eyes all you want, I know yall new moms think I am watching you.
- Feeding time. Baby’s just started on solids, and what better way to get them on Nestle’s Cerelac? The thing with cerelac is that it is just as amazingly sweet for mom too. So, prepare a larger-than-life portion for your 6-month old baby. They won’t finish it, of course. And we know wasting food is a no-no. Indulge, guilt-free. Thank me later.
Read More: Letter to a new mom
3. Closely related to point #3 above, feeding time for baby is not always accompanied with a feeding bib. Secondly, baby food has this innate ability to crust on baby’s mouth. What do you do when the baby wipes feel a mile away? Simply, apply saliva on forefinger and get rid of the crusty flakes. 3-second job, moms are busy yoh.
4. Baby’s got snot peeping out of their nose like the hanging gardens. Scene 1: Rush to get handkerchief from bag and find baby’s snot wiped by hand, creating a sticky and delirious looking smiley on their cheeks. Scene 2: wipe the damn snot with hand to avoid scene 1, after all, you are the bigger person here *chuckles*. BONUS: After #4, wipe snot on tissue, or wipes, or your clothes, whichever comes first. This is not a matter of life and death. 😀
5. Yall know how sometimes mommy gets a bad tummy, that’s filled with gas, and ends up feeling like a hot air balloon ready for take off to the expansive wild landscapes of the Maasai Mara? So, when this happens, you got to release this gas, a colon symphony of sorts. That’s not the part that sucks. The part that sucks is when someone walks into the room and curls their nostrils before asking whether a raccoon died in there. You stand there, with this quizzical look, and shift eye contact to your child. And make remarks on how that change of diet is making baby so damn gassy. Motherhood has tactical moments; this is one of them.
6. Let’s not even talk about how suddenly, bathroom breaks are not a personal affair! When they start crawling, you best remember to lock your bedroom and bathroom.
7. So, you got this pie you have been dying to munch on since Eve collaboed with Steve Jobs on the Apple (wait, what? Whatever…). It’s a reward of sorts for sailing thorugh motherhood with a sprinkling of sanity. You wait till baby is engaged in his toy sessions, and steal away to delight your taste buds with the tantalizing pie. Only for baby to peep and go like, “What’s that you eating mom?” Straight-faced, you go like, “this pie is actually bad. Let’s dispose it off” And you diligently do so, in the microwave. Folks, that’s called safekeeping, second type of tactical approach. Sometimes mommy’s gotta reward herself, ALONE.
I wrote this post smiling to myself because, much as depression does take away the sunshine from our lives, there are glimpses of humor. Anybody relate to these 7 gross things moms do? What are you guilty of (I see y’all)? What should I have added? Let’s chat in the comment section.
Featured Image Photo Credits: The Stir Mom