Before I indulge you in my thoughts on silence, let me admit that I am still reeling from the excitement of my 30 day challenge which started here, and culminated here. It was not so much to create hype, like it was to reach out to moms, to meet them in their fleeting thoughts of inadequacy, and throw in a little
dry humour. This was a gentle reminder that anything I put my mind to, is in fact achievable, possible, do-able. I will revel in the lessons therein for many days to come.
My son is a ball of kinetic energy (no asking where that came from), and has an amazing appetite to match his gusto for life. I never had any idea how this would impact my parenting, but I am learning, and re-learning. Oh how my frayed mind sometimes wishes there was a manual, a PDF guide, a downloadable torrent… the slightest inkling to this thing called motherhood and bringing up boys. Since my son was born, I have taken time to appreciate the value of self care and spending time alone, in silence.
This sounds selfish, certainly, but looking back, sometimes it gets a little overbearing when you have a tiny mammal coiling up around your dusty legs when all you want to do is hang those legs and sip some wine. You learn to appreciate your own time, especially when you are a SAHM/WAHM (Stay/Work At Home Mom) and have your pals asking you what in the world you do all day, and why you cannot afford to steal some time for yourself.
I am learning to look for those silent and small moments scattered through out the day when my lil’ man decides to pop champagne open and click Begin on his Tantrums series. After my morning devotion, these moments are my next favorite in the quest for the Double S – Silence and Sanity. When I cannot catch these moments, I find myself experiencing a severe bout of verbal diarrhea, I cannot concentrate on simple tasks, and I almost always retreat to my cocoon and shut the world out.
These moments of silence are as varied as they are ephemeral. They can be anywhere, anytime. They do not necessarily mean that the world is in a state of quiescence; rather, my inner world is still, tranquil. These moments have grown to be very precious, and I put in effort to get them. In a world that is increasingly operating at a frenzied pace, these transient moments are a breath of fresh air. These moments help me put things in perspective, analyze what I am really feeling in that moment versus the truth that I know. The truth is that even in my imperfection as a mom struggling to quieten my soul, grace will meet me there.
It is silent now.