I have been crazy busy in the past few days, and been off the blog in moments like these made me feel nostalgic about the 30 day writing challenge I had a while back. There’s something about such a challenge that keeps you on toes, always racking your brain about resourceful, insightful, and hopefully, inspiring content. I am hoping to replicate the challenge with a new twist sometime soon.
In the past few weeks, the workload on my end has been, erm, quite the workload. I am a WAHM. I live online when I am not sipping tea or playing with Jayden, and that’s where I work. Typically, I am required to churn 5000 words in a
day scrap that, in about 9 hours (from about 9AM to 6PM) with breaks to snack and, you guessed it, take tea. Once I get home, that is time for my son and I, to have dinner, for me to bath him and find out how his day was at school (the other day he said to me that he wonders why lunch portions at school are small sized, I smiled to myself because I knew this appetite thang had a lineage hehehe), read him bedtime stories and end the day with Bible lessons just before he slept.
Always striving to get that good balance I penned about here, possible, but very elusive, and you have to be intentional about it. Then it struck me like a thunderbolt – it is easy to quantify work output versus the hours put in, i.e, I am required to write 5000 words on average, that is a set, definitive number. But how do you quantify work put in in motherhood? How do you ascertain that you are doing enough for your child? Spending enough time with them? Playing enough with them? Bonding enough with them? How do you define these parameters in the first place?
My son turns is two months shy of turning four, and is there is something I have learnt, even though my journey was peppered with Postpartum Depression (PPD). You can never quite quantify these parameters. Spending time with my son, sometimes the best I can do, especially when he has had a really bad meltdown (like the day a shoe flew in this post ), is hold him as he breaks into sobs. OR soothe him so he is able to have a good night’s sleep. How do you quantify these seemingly mundane but crucial moments?
Or when, after a long day and exhaustion has kicked in, all i can do is listen to him sing his favorite nursery school rhymes? What of days when a cold means sniffles and sneezes, and the best we can do is create LEGO blocks to wind down the evening? Do these moments count, despite their ‘slowness’? Are they definitive in motherhood when you can’t put a figure to their value?
I am learning that defining these moments is difficult. Putting an affixed value to them is tricky, because sometimes, the essence of a given moment is lying awake listening to him breathe, gently, against the refreshing sounds of worship music. Sometimes it is the humble admittance that I made a mistake, and tell my son I am sorry. Sometimes, it is in huddling under our favorite Maasai blanket to watch toons at 7:30PM. Many days it is sharing the same cup of tea because Jayden is also latching onto the tea addiction (smiles 🙂 )
These ‘small’ moments build up to something bigger – a closer bond, a deeper mother-child friendship, memories to look back at, moments to savor when he finally ‘flies out of the nest’ (Gosh, this looks so far-fetched). It may not be easy to quantify the value of these moments like it is to put a tag to my 9 hours and number of words, but deep down, I am learning that these moments do matter. <3
Featured Image Photo Credits: Text100