He woke up today, sunken eyes, fever and incessant vomiting. With the latter, I was sure he was seriously dehydrated and lacking energy. Nothing remained in his tiny body when he ate or drank; he puked after every single meal. Woke up in a huff, and made my way to the pediatric hospital, a 20-minute drive.
“We need to intervene, quickly, very low blood sugar.” Those were the doctor’s words when they drew his blood to check his vitals after we had finished checkup at the triage section. My background in Biochemistry makes me all too aware of the risks of low blood sugar. At this point, tears welled in my eyes… the thought of the possibilities of the causative agent, and more.
When you have suffered Postpartum Depression (PPD), and are on the journey to healing like I am, there is the tendency to want to seize every single minute of the new phase, away from the haze of depression. Subconsciously, it is as though you are trying to make up for the moments lost to PPD, trying to squeeze in moments of lost joy. This is why when my little guy is sick, I find myself persistently teary; Because the gloom of the sickness is a reminder of moments lost to PPD.
See, my son is a nuclear energy plant, extremely energetic and overall, the life of the party. His energy is akin to the power of a tornado, leaving everything upside down in its wake . When he is sick, he is a pale shadow of himself. All he wants to do is sleep in, and just stare into space. My heart sinks when he is like this. Today was one such day.
After the infusion and anti-emetic drugs however, he started to brighten up, even telling me he prefers to drive the car as opposed to riding his bike (!!). My heart melted. My little man was strong for me, his energy for life peeked through, even in this gloomy condition. As we headed home, I told Jay’s grandpa how hard it is sometimes to watch the little man unwell, he empathized with me before telling me some hard truths.
“It could have been worse,” he said. “Some babies do not make it out of the hospital ward, others are admitted for long periods.” “He is a child, he is gonna grow, so these are just some of the challenges.” I mulled over these words, and realized the need to be grateful even in this hard. Granted, it was a setback, but it was nothing we couldn’t recover from. I am grateful he is better, I am grateful he can play, I am grateful to have the privilege and blessing of accessible and sound health care, I am grateful to realize that in the journey to PPD healing, these are some of the moments that make me appreciate the strides we have made. It could have been worse, but it is not. And that is something to be grateful for.
Photo credits: MyspokenHeart
The past few events this week have been tough for many across the world: Beirut, Bamako, Paris, Nigeria … Terror is increasingly becoming a reality for different nations, sadly so. It is easy to think that these events are far off, and that they happen to ‘those’ people, until reality hits closer home. My heart goes out to the people going through grief following these horrendous attacks. May you find peace and comfort for your hearts.
Featured Image: Limuru sunsets.