This is why I kept my Postpartum Depression a secret

“Awwww, he is so chubby and adorable, look at him…”

I often got this when my son was still an infant, never mind that he is now a grown champ who prefers bouncing off walls and seats to, well, sitting still for 5 microseconds, (comes with the age I guess. We are at five now). These words, while very well-meaning, were like an empty reverberating echo in my mind.

‘Couldn’t they see I was struggling with motherhood? Couldn’t they see the hollow posts I put in my coded Facebook updates? Perhaps if they looked closely, they could see the hollowness in my sleep-deprived eyes…’

Maybe they couldn’t see it. Even if they did, maybe they couldn’t understand what I was going through. That was it!

They may never understand why bonding was so incredibly hard, why the proverbial blissful motherhood feelings seemed to elude me, why many of my nights were spent muffling my tears in the already soaked pillow.

Read More: Getting Help

They may never understand what it is like to suffer in such silence, struggling with every passing moment. What words would explain that though I struggled to bond with my son, I cringed at the thought of been his mommy because I felt he deserved better? Because I felt I was a bad mom who would never redeem the lost moments?

These thoughts are the reason I kept my Postpartum Depression a secret.

Because they wouldn’t understand…

Because motherhood comes naturally for moms…

Because ‘you should be grateful you have a healthy baby’…

Because, why can’t you snap out of it…

Simply put, because of the stigma that comes when moms admit they are struggling with depression after a safe delivery. PPD Island was birthed out of the need to stamp out this stigma and create awareness on PPD, one post at a time. So that moms are not ashamed to admit they are struggling with motherhood. So that moms can ask for help without going on a guilt trip. So that our society is aware that Postpartum Depression is real.

Featured Image: Patricia Esteve

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    1. Thanks Ivanna. It can be incredibly hard to get others to understand the journey, especially with mental health illnesses, so hopefully by allowing vulnerability in sharing my story, more moms can get help.

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