And finding meaning as a Stay-At-Home Mom
I have blogged severally about my Stay-At-Home Motherhood experience here and here. This past week I found myself reflecting on it (yet again). Been a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) means I have also been away from the typical 8-to-5 routine. I will be honest and say, sometimes I miss it. This became more pronounced in the past few weeks I have been out of work. Granted, it is not an easy experience. But looking back it has afforded me more time to just take a step back, reflect and truly define what success looks like for me.
Helping moms with Postpartum Depression is where my heart truly is
My heart’s passion is to provide psychosocial support for moms with Postpartum Depression (PPD) through the organization I started, the Postpartum Depression CBO (click this link to go to the website). I have been there as the 1 out of 7 moms who got Postpartum Depression. As a survivor, I know what it feels like to be a new mom and not to feel the bliss that comes with motherhood. There is also the hopelessness that a new mom feels when she cannot bond with her child. I have had suicidal ideation and struggled with intrusive thoughts. But, I got help.
My dear friend Carol noticed I was battling with depression due to my anger outbursts. She recommended a therapist who took me through my sessions. This is what spurred me to start Postpartum Depression CBO. I am paying it forward. It also gives me a sense of purpose and fulfilment, certainly not monetarily.
Stay-At-Home Moms will often hear, “What have you been doing all day?”
In the mundaneness of Stay-at-home motherhood, the running up and down to care for my son and do chores has had me wondering – wondering if it matters. Domestic chores are at the crux of running a home. They are very time-consuming, but that’s not all. They also feel invisible. How many times do stay-at-home moms get the all-too-familiar,” You have been home all day, what have you been doing?”
To think that a mom may not even have had a chance to rest makes it sad and hilarious at the same time. From cleaning dishes to mopping the house, scrubbing the toilet, preparing meals and ironing, there is always something to be done in the house. Some invisible task that is only noticed when it is not done.
Sometimes it gets to me – the mundaneness and invisibleness of it all. See, while at the office, you clock in the hours. It is easy to quantify the work done. I filed X reports, had a brainstorming meeting, got a new client on board etc. What for the SAHM? Does it matter that the laundry is done for the week? Or that the dishes are washed for the fifth time that day? Or that the week’s meals have been prepared in good time? Does it matter?
Spending moments with my son keeps me going
I struggle a lot with this, to be honest. It feels insignificant. In the large scale of things, what does it matter? In a number of years to come, will it be remembered that the house was sparkling clean? Or that my dish rack was filled with clean dishes? Or even that uniform was well ironed on Saturday evening?
I am not so sure. Spending time with Jay is the one thing that keeps me going. The fact that I have the chance to mould him and spend these precious days with him makes the days bearable for the most part.
This feels like rambling now, and I am not sure it even makes sense. But I thought to share, for the stay-at-home who feels alone in these emotions. We are often told to savour these moments because they are fleeting and they will pass. Sometimes, a mom needs that reminder that it is worthwhile and that it counts for something.
PS: This article will be worth your while – This Dad Thought Stay-At-Home Moms Did Nothing All Day. Then, THIS Happened…